Pressing too hard…….

Yep, that’s right, I’ve been pressing this dating thing way too hard. I comb the two websites of which I’m a member, send messages, talk, date and have not had any of the romance I have been searching for. There have been a few worthwhile ventures, but nothing that has gone very far. As I wrote before, I have come to the conclusion that women are way to easy to dismiss a worthwhile opportunity if they find one thing that doesn’t appeal to them. I have many flaws, the problem is, at least one seems to be a hot button for each and every one that I meet.

Not quite the witty banter I have been prone to but I have lost a little of that humorous edge somewhere and it shows. I have come to the conclusion that I have been pressing so hard, that its time to take a break and focus on the other pieces of my life that need attention- career, health, and personal growth. No need to put my son in the mix, he gets all my attention as it stands.

I need to choose another direction for this blog, however, it may have already changed.

A side note…..

I guess I never understood how those people could push and push and push for something to happen and somehow, it finally does. I find that the more I push, the further away something becomes. With women, its as if the more a cater to them, the worse the rapport becomes, with only one exception…and she’s just a tease.

I’ll add more to this when I’m not so exhausted from doing nothing.

And….I’m ready to add.

Let’s face it, as man, a beautiful woman is intoxicating. Add in a fun personality, a smart wit and it’s deadly. As I peruse, contact and date these types of women, I realize that it’s not “women” that are unattainable, but the belief that an intoxicating women is. Woman have this special gift, they can make you feel special, they can make you feel lighter than air, and they can make you feel as if you are the most important thing in their lives. And it is this appeal that makes them that much more dangerous. A man, me for instance, will forgo all in life that matter to them, for the sake of a woman. For years, I made it my mission to be that guy who would not allow a woman to dictate my life. I did this without fully realizing that in exhibiting this outward behavior, I would miss out on the parts of women that I can truly enjoy.

Do not allow the ego of letting go of oneself ever interfere with sharing a life with another person, that was my downfall and now it is my crutch.

I have learned my lesson, and I will be better going forward.

Doomed to be the “first date” king

That’s right, the First Date King.

I seemed to the guy who women who recently join a dating site after a bad break up with a longtime boyfriend. They have never tried one before but a friend found their boyfriend, husband, fiancee on one and tell them to give it a shot. They join, start perusing matches and stumble across mine. I seem like a nice guy, have similar likes/dislikes in movies, shows, and profile gives a down to earth quality that has been missing or that they want to see if it fits them. Then, we start messaging, I’m a good messager, witty, entertaining, easy to talk to, so we exchange #’s and text for awhile then we are compelled to chat on the phone. Rarely do these conversations last shorter than two hours. Yes, that’s correct- TWO HOURS!! After that, its only natural to meet. A dinner, a coffee, a hike, it varies. But, inevitably, it results in one of two things- a brief discussion in meeting again, but nothing concrete or we sleep together. This second encounter never leads to another- which is usually due to me being the first fling or a test to see if they are ready for a relationship. But, it never, ever goes beyond this first stage.

Why? I never find out. Somehow, I become that guy who women just don’t want to date for an extended period of time.

They tell women they have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding their prince, what’s the expression for when its a guy who this happens to?

And, here we go again LOL

Wow, and I thought it was only men who were love and leave ’em types, not anymore. Most recently:

A- Met online, she is very nice, cute, not hot, but a great body with smallish boobs and nipples. I could tell that our connection was not truly there but it was enough to merit a couple dates and a day date. When I arrived at her apartment, we attacked each other ignoring the plans we had made for that day. We immediately had sex, went to brunch, and had sex again. Then it was time for me to go and we made plans to meet again. She cancelled those plans claiming school conflicts (pursuing an AA at night). Each time I attempted to contact her, she ignored my messages and phone calls. Now, this is the behavior most closely exhibited by men, not women. Granted, this was not a relationship that had longevity, I’ll admit, but COME ON! There was passion and an obvious bedroom connection but I guess the “Lonely Guy” syndrome has reared his head again.


Anyways, on to the next one.

L- Talked on the phone, amazing talks, went to dinner, again, great conversation, drove her home, made plans for a later date, and then no more contact. Now, this was a woman still finalizing her three year divorce from a controlling asshole and, as I found out from a mutual friend, a relationship from a prick. What’s a nice guy got to do to catch a break!!

I guess its true—- nice guys finish last.

Its been far too long since I posted….

So its only fitting that my latest post is a summary of the past month’s drama and fun.

I met a woman before Christmas through Zoosk. We exchanged a brief discourse of messages which quickly became an exchange of phone numbers and then texting. This process is the natural progression these days. The texts are to see if there is an exchange that merits some conversation and if there is a connection through words in print, than it looks more favorable for talking. We began talking and the first conversation was three and a half hours- Encouraging, right? The first date was set although meeting someone at their favorite bar to meet dozens of friends is not ideal. Sort of like going on a blind date to a fraternity party, so we postponed. Juggling my parental duties with a dating schedule is about as easy as wrangling cats. But, we found a day that worked and made it a date day. The day was great- walk on the beach exchanging childhood stories, a couple of overpriced cocktails towards the early evening and then a discussion about dinner. Skipped the dinner, went to some of her favorite bars, and then ended up at her apartment. Now, I can no longer do shots and still be productive, but, when you are with a shot drinker, you make the exception. We slept together which is always a good sign, but in the morning, I felt the need to leave before her 20 something sons woke up- a good move, right? Well, that was the last time I talked to her until I noticed that she unfriended my on Facebook. Its not the first time that happened just the first time it happened when it didn’t feel like anything was wrong. Which brings me to this post…….I think I am going to go through my dates for the last eight or nine months and see if there is a pattern. I will include women I’ve spoken with or texted as those are the new courtship rituals of the 21st century.

The list:

K- First date, had a connection, talked and texted and went to dinner several times over a long period of time. She was still in love with her ex boyfriend and was meeting him in hotels by the airport without me knowing. WE are still friends but the dishonesty means that nothing will come from that one.

B- This one I ended when after date one, she had decided to be in love and didn’t like me to stay on a dating site. She was older and I wasn’t about to continue the relationship after an hour and half of being berated.

C- I never felt a good feeling about this one, but she begged me to sleep with her, so, who am I to disappoint a woman? It was the first woman I slept with other than my divorce so it was awkward and I wasn’t into it, and she knew, so that one was done.

D- Aside from her height, we were made for each other, and I put a lot more stock in emotional chemistry than anything else and this one, we had it. We planned to meet, but her ex-husband cried to the church, and they refused to grant an annulment without meeting with a priest. She had to go back to her physically abusive, cheating, lying husband and that ended that one.

L- Met for a drink, no real chemistry, done in one.

R- This was the one I really screwed up. After meeting for dinner, went back to her condo, things went well and we continued to see each other for the next few days. She wanted to spend the night but I recanted with my seven year old son down the hall and not used to sharing his dad with anyone. That date ended at 4am after I neglected to tell her that and told her it was because I was still hurt by me ex-wife’s infidelity. She left hurt and two days later said it would never work. This one was actually worse than my wife moving out, if you can believe that, but it was.

N- We met for dinner, I slept at her place, we made plans for the next weekend, Halloween, but she made it clear she would be dating others. While I did not want to share her affections, let’s face it, there’s very little chance of changing a woman’s mind. I still hold out hopes, but I am also a realist and I’m not what she’s looking for.

So, there is the list. All within six months- its got to be a record, right??

I am publishing this in the hopes than someone, a woman, preferrably, will come across it and be able to provide some insight because I am lost.

Any takers?

Another night of parenting, and texting……

There’s nothing like a worthwhile night of entertaining a child, unless of course its mine.  Nothing gets the juices flowing than to dine at my son’s favorite jaunt, the local pizza place where every AYSO soccer team has their end of year gathering. And me, watching a bad college football game while my son empties my wallet of ones for the arcade. Of course, its usually the 25 cent crappy toys that end up coming home, but, its all about the kids, right?

I am constantly intrigued by the interaction between parents whose only time they will ever meet or communicate with each other is at these events. The forced conversations, the battle between mothers trying to be the better organizer and the dads trying desperately to hold a conversation with each other, knowing that their only commonality is/was this team. But I love how the kids just want to be somewhere that isn’t at home- I feel their pain.

So, is it pathetic to go to a bar by oneself or has that become the only tactic a person can take when they were “coerced” into moving to an area because of their ex-wife only to now be stuck there because of their kid? Whichever was the contributing factor, it is now what has become. I was contemplating starting up a conversation with one of the people just to see which of the mom’s was now available, because, let’s face it, odds say at least 50% of them are! But, I didn’t want to have that discussion with my son, so I chickened out.

Maybe next time I’ll have something more to report, until then, later.

Souplantation, the new family fun zone.

Ahh, yes. Its Friday, a night at home, with my son, watching Santa Clause 2 after a fun-filled day at the DMV and then Souplantation. Sometimes Souplantation is depressing. Nothing like families of five or more taking advantage of a cost effective, kid friendly buffet to emphasize the lonliness of a single, divorced dad.

All right, enough of that crap.  What I really saw was two parents trying to reign in unruly kids running back at forth from the fountain drinks, the dessert stations and the foccacia breads. Why people would indulge in such masochistic rituals is beyond me. I also noticed the other single parents tending to their kids (hmmm, this sounds familiar). I guess Souplantation, or other buffet places, although I haven’t been to any others, is the preferred dining establishment for the kids- at least it is for mine.  I think they should have a happy hour or a speed dating night, because they definitely would have a lot of takers.

By the way, has anyone actually done any speed dating? I can’t even imagine how stressful that must be to have to overwhelm someone, anyone, in two minutes or whatever it is. I fold when they ask me too many questions at the doctor for crying out loud.

Ok, so I”ve been getting spammed by “IHookup” the site created by women for women to get what they want, how they want it at their discretion. Its just not fair, not only do men outnumber women on dating sites, I think its like 20-1, but now its like the lineup at the Bunny Ranch- except with guys. I think the next step is a site with nothing but pictures of erections and the women just use a pull-down menu and pick where they will meet up. Damnit! Where’s my penis pump??

So, this is the weekend that I have my son so I don’t have any new dating failures to report, although, I was rejected for dates by two or was it three women, I need to really start keeping track of this.

Thank goodness for little boys, after watching the Santa Clause 2 way past his bedtime, he hugged me and said, “Dad, I love you so much, thanks for taking me to Souplantation.”

Let’s face it, I really have nothing to bitch about.